Can we do without “family”?

Well, some people do.  As their parents and grandparents are no longer with us, or if they are separated from each other somehow, or other reasons you are left with no real “family”, these people live and are productive and caring individuals.

So what value is family?

Here are some instructions for living in the Bible—for the father, for the mother, and for the children.  There are examples all through the Bible of family caring for each other.  But… do they, always?  Nope.  Sometimes they just don’t.  Is it important for us to care for each other?  Alway.  Yes it is.

The first family was Adam and Eve. Genesis 1:28

There are many scriptures about the value and command of marriage, and how it’s set up.  One is:

…Man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh… Mark 10:6-9

We are to honor our father and mother… Matthew 19:19, Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16 NIV

Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:1-4

Children are a heritage from the Lord … a reward from Him.  Psalm 127:3

Carry each others’ burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2 NIV

Jesus showed compassion for his mother as he was dying on the cross; he charged one of his disciples to care for her as his own mother after he was gone.  From that hour that disciple took her into his own home.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Psalm 27:10 NIV

There are lots of stories in the Bible about how families worked—some worked good …and some did not.  As it is today.

So we’ve seen what “the source” says.  Now, in this day, so many times the family unit isn’t functioning the way God intended it to.

I looked up to see what were considered “family values”.  The list could be as long as we want, and I’m not sure where a real list is, to be honest.

The list included empathy, respect, love, loyalty, and honesty.  All great family values.  They’re also great “anyone values”.  I couldn’t find anything actually on exact family values, credit “family values”. 

Except, we are to look out for each other, as the scripture mentions.  And then Jesus gave us an example of how that works, with his mother.

Most people will say family values are important.  And they are, and I think they’re grounded a lot in the scriptures above.  And I definitely think we need to cultivate them.  In most families (I hope it’s most families) the feeling of “family” comes naturally.  I hope it does in yours.

We need to cultivate togetherness in this world today.  We need love, and care, and we need to show respect for each other.  And when we see there is lack of it, it’s good for us to add that love and care everywhere we can.

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What if you are one of the people whose family is not supportive, or not even caring at all, but just the opposite of those traits, or just totally estranged for some reason.

It’s very sad that there are lots of families in this category.  In those instances, I think it’s so important to cultivate/adopt/build family-type relationships with others outside family.  Let them be your family.  Yes.  You can do that.  You need it, and the others involved need it too.  A blessing, both ways.

In these instances, “blood” isn’t thicker than water.  In these instances, you don’t need the blood of your family, but you need family, even if you’re hyper-independent.  We need each other.  We were made to connect with each other, support each other, care for each other.  So we need to do what we were meant to do—Love each other.

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My mother was a gatherer-together-person.  Every holiday, Every birthday of everyone in the family; well, just any excuse to get us all together.

We all “worked a lot”, and after she wasn’t able, we tried hard to keep the immediate family together at important holidays.  We kept Christmas, and her birthday, and that was pretty-much it.

When she passed away, at her funeral the “young ones” decided they wanted to know each other better.  They began to plan a reunion.  That was 7 years ago.

We now get the whole family (about 30-35) together at Christmas, get partial family together at Thanksgiving, and as for the reunion, those young ones have carried through on their promise.  They plan it, organize it, and get it done every year. 

This year was the sixth reunion.  We have it at a state park here on a mountain near our town.  We reserve our spots a year ahead, while we’re still at the reunion, and we rent an extra grassy spot for the games.

The reunion planners charge us a small fee for food for the weekend, and provide meals from Friday evening through Monday breakfast.  Several camp in the campground, several stay in the lodge.  The campers do the cooking, and the lodge-dwellers (I’m one of those pansies) go to camp to eat.

Mom loved to go to auctions, and every year we ask everyone to bring an item to be auctioned.  Something from the family, or something hand made, or even just a bar of candy—whatever they wanted to bring.  So the little kids get to bid and enjoy the auction too.

The auction proceeds pay for the next year, for everyone to ride the scenic train, have an ice cream, and play miniature golf.  Plus some prizes.

This year, there was kite-flying, the annual kick-ball game, and hand-painting trinkets or bird houses.  We usually have a slip-n-slide, but it got cold and rainy so we skipped that part this year.  However the little ones enjoyed playing in the rain.

We also play games and tell tales around the campfire.  It’s a great time—we have relatives from Florida, North Carolina and Georgia who usually come.  This year I think we had over 40 people.

The state park (Queen Wilhelmina State Park, atop Rich Mountain) also has educational and fun presentations and activities.  Sometimes they show how to make home made ice cream, or campfire Dutch oven cooking.  Anyone who attends their events gets to help eat it too!

If mom would have thought about us doing that, she would have absolutely loved it.  But it happened when the time was right.  I don’t think any of us could have planned it the way these kids have.

It has made a connection with some of the relatives we didn’t actually know very well, and it’s allowed the ones of us that live here locally, to spend very quality time with each other. 

But the main positive is that the young ones coming up are knowing who their cousins are, and realizing that family connection that we all have for each other.  Seeing how different we are, and how much the same we are.   What a blessing!

I hope this inspires you to nurture your family, to think of ways to help it to grow closer, and to care more deeply about each other, realizing how so very important you can be to each other.

Thank you for reading.

Sharon